1990: Bronx Warriors (1982)

BronxWarriors pic copy

Title: 1990: Bronx Warriors
CinemaBandits Title: Gangs Of Flamboyant Tap-Dancers Terrorize The Future!

CinemaBandits Reveiw: Deep into the future (all the way to the year 1990), the Bronx is a lawless place. Ruled by lawless biker gangs... and the cast of the highly successful Broadway musical A Chorus Line!

Sends shivers down your spine, huh?

The police in the future (all the way to year 1990) have given up trying to contain the spontaneous outbreaks of violence... and show-tunes! So they've abandoned the Bronx and let the criminals... and Theatre majors... have their way on the mean streets of the NYC borough.

It's total anarchy... and jazz-hands... everywhere!

So when a girl, the only heir to a Defense Conglomerate, goes missing in this dangerous land, the authorities do the only logical thing... call Vic Morrow!

When Vic Morrow gets to town... Look out! He doesn't like the hoodlums... and won't stand for the show-stopping numbers. In order to find the lost girl, Vic takes out his anger on any law-breaker... or ambiguously gay thespian... who gets in his way!

And after watching this little stinker of a film, I'm convinced that if the blade from the helicopter in Twilight Zone: The Movie hadn't killed Vic Morrow's career, then this movie surely would have.

But what Vic Morrow didn't figure on was Trash... our Italian hero of the future (all the way to the year 1990). Not only does he have clean-shaven über-pecs that he proudly displays throughout the entire affair, but he manages to pull his jeans higher up his body than was previously thought to be humanly possible (so high, in fact, I'm pretty sure he's been unable to father any children since the filming!).

1990: Bronx Warriors presents us with a future (all the way to the year 1990) nobody wants to visit... except, maybe, Nathan Lane!

Funky Burrito Rating:burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4 (8 of 10) Funky Burritos.

For all of you who don't want to sit through 1990: Bronx Warriors...
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