Kong Island (1968)

kongisland copy

Title: Kong Island
CinemaBandits Title: Super-Monkeys Are Stealing Our Women!

CinemaBandits Review: What if you could control a monkey? I don't mean just a trained monkey, but a monkey that would do exactly what you tell him to do!

Here's what I would do....

I'd have that monkey dress up in a cowboy outfit complete with a 10-gallon hat.... ride around on a miniature pony with guns a'blazin'.... and invite my friends over to see Chuckles - The Hairiest Outlaw This Side Of The Pecos River!

That's what I'd do.

But the mad scientist in Kong Island had other plans.

Seems he stumbled upon a way to remotely control a living being by transmitting radio signals to a surgically implanted receiver in the subjects skull! He's experimented on a family of gorillas, and it was such a resounding success, that he plans on implementing this procedure on every single person on the planet so that he can be rich and powerful! Ha Ha Haaa!

What a great idea, Mr. evil-genius!

Just a couple of flaws I noticed in that perfect plan....

1) - He's going to have to capture and then operate on every single person on Earth... that might take a while.
2) - If each operation costs $10 dollars (I might be a bit low on that estimate), it's gonna cost roughly $65 billion dollars.

I'm not sure he completely thought through this whole "take-over-the-world-and-get-rich" idea.

The hero (inappropriately named "Bert") finds out about this little plan and goes traipsing about the jungles of Africa (I'm assuming the writers decided the African continent was just a really big island.... hence, the title of this stinky burrito of a movie) looking for the evil Doctor. Along the way, he finds a groovy disco, enjoys quite a few fine cigarettes, baths in a tropical waterfall, seduces a wild half-naked Italian lady who runs around with a chimpanzee side-kick, and wrestles men in loin cloths!

How did they pack that much action into 92 minutes, you ask??!?

They didn't!

They packed that into about 20 minutes.... the other 72 minutes is stock footage of African wildlife.

Lions and tigers and men in monkey-suits... Oh my!

Funky Burrito Rating:burrito4burrito4burrito4burrito4 (4 of 10) Funky Burritos.

For all of you who don't want to sit through Kong Island...
Movie In About A Minute Or Two... or... El Cinema Minuto: